The Double Empathy Problem
- Luke Tilley (He/They/Any Pronouns)
- Feb 16
- 4 min read
Hi, I’m Luke, a Provisional Psychologist* working with A Mind of Your Own.
This blog post is primarily for professionals who are interested in the themes discussed in the article and how this work translates into practice within the A Mind of Your Own team. However, if you’re interested or a parent, carer or educator, or who is curious about the ideas explored and how they might apply to young people and families, feel free to read on or reach out.
Why Can Communication Feel Hard Between Autistic and Non-Autistic People?
Understanding the Double Empathy Problem
The “Double Empathy Problem” was first described in 2012 by Dr Damian Milton, an Autistic social psychologist and sociologist at the University of Kent.
For many years, autism was explained using the idea that Autistic people struggle with empathy. Instead of assuming that Autistic people lack empathy, he proposed that misunderstandings between Autistic and non-Autistic people are often a two-way problem.
Communication Challenges: Something Many People Relate To
Autistic clients often report that they experience issues in their communication and relationships with non-Autistic people in their lives. Communication and relationship issues are something that we can all relate to, but for Autistic people, these issues can feel especially confusing and confronting to understand and resolve. This can often result in a great level of emotional distress for Autistic individuals. Working in mental health, it is my responsibility to help clients understand how and why communication and relationship difficulties are occurring and to support them with working towards improving and changing this to alleviate their emotional distress.
Where Did the Idea of “Lacking Empathy” Come From?
In the past, researchers talked about something called Theory of Mind.
Theory of Mind is our ability to understand that other people have their own thoughts, feelings, and perspectives and that these might be different from our own.
Children typically develop this skill between ages 3 and 5, and it continues to grow into adulthood.
When someone was thought to struggle with this skill, it was sometimes described as “mindblindness” — meaning difficulty recognising that others have different internal experiences.
For example:
A mum is resting on the couch after a long day cooking dinner. She looks tired.
Her child says,
“Can you play board games with me?”
She replies,
“I’ve had a long day and need to rest. Let’s play tomorrow.”
The child responds, “But you’re not doing anything — you’re just sitting down!”
The child is focused on what they can see: Mum is sitting, so she must be available.
They may not yet fully grasp that Mum is tired internally, even though she looks “free.”
Young children often think this way; it’s a normal part of development.
But Autism Is More Complex Than That
For a long time, autism was explained as a permanent difficulty with Theory of Mind.
However, we now know the story is much more complex.
Many Autistic children do develop Theory of Mind — sometimes just later than their peers.
Many Autistic adults understand other people’s feelings but may struggle to show that understanding in ways others recognise.
Differences in communication style can be mistaken for lack of empathy.
The issue is not a lack of empathy. Autistic people do feel empathy, often deeply.
It’s a difference in how empathy is expressed and understood.
What Is the Double Empathy Problem?
The Double Empathy Problem suggests that misunderstandings between Autistic and non-Autistic people happen because both groups experience and communicate empathy differently.
It’s not that one group lacks empathy.
It’s that:
Autistic people may communicate in more direct, literal, or differently expressive ways.
Non-Autistic people may rely more on implied meaning, tone, or unspoken social rules.
Non-Autistic people can struggle just as much to understand Autistic perspectives as Autistic people struggle to understand non-Autistic ones.
Moving Away From “Disordered” Toward “Different”
Historically, Autistic people have often been expected to adapt to “neurotypical” communication styles.
When they couldn’t, or chose not to, they were labelled as disordered.
The Double Empathy Problem encourages us to think differently.
Instead of asking,
“What’s wrong with the Autistic person?”
We might ask,
“Where is the communication mismatch happening?”
This shift reduces blame and increases understanding of Autistic people.
What This Means for Children
It’s important that:
·Autistic children grow up knowing they are not “less than”, they are different.
·Non-Autistic children learn they are not superior, just different too.
A Shared Responsibility
It is the double empathy problem, because it is the shared responsibility of Autistic and non-Autistic people to work towards understanding each other’s communication styles, perspectives and minds.
All of our communication styles, perspectives and minds are worthy of being understood and celebrated! 😊
If you would like to learn more about the Double Empathy Problem, please interact with the videos, psychoeducation websites and academic publication resources below.
Videos
The Autistic Advocate - An introduction to the Double Empathy Problem
University of Kent – Dr Damian Milton, Autism and the Double Empathy Problem
Psychoeducation websites
Neurodivergent Insights – The Double Empathy Problem: Why Autistic Communication Is A Difference Not A Deficit
Psychology Today – Theory of Mind
Reframing Autism – Miltons Double Empathy Problem, A summary for non-academics
Academic resources
Crompton CJ, DeBrabander K, Heasman B, Milton D and Sasson NJ (2021) Double Empathy:
Why Autistic People Are Often Misunderstood. Front. Young Minds. 9:554875. doi:
10.3389/frym.2021.554875
Milton, D., Gurbuz, E., & Lopez, B. (2022). The ‘double empathy problem’: Ten years
on. Autism, 26(8), 1901–1903. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613221129123
Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: The ‘double empathy
problem’. Disability Society, 27(6), 883–887. https://doi.org/10.1080/09687599.2012.710008
*A Provisional Psychologist is a clinician who has completed accredited university training in psychology and is undertaking a period of supervised practice while working toward full general registration.
If you’d like to learn more about Luke or this blog post please contact us.