The second diagnosis

So about a month ago my second child received her autism diagnosis. This was not a big surprise to me but still it brought up some feelings. Initially there was a relief - which was consistent with what I experienced after the first diagnosis. Now she can receive support, now she can be understood and yes, it’s validating to know that there is something different about my child, as my mother’s intuition indicated there was. She’s still my girl - irrespective of her neurotype.

Now, it’s settled for a bit and we carry on. There has been some grief - what will this mean for her, our family - our dreams, their future and what will she be when she grows up? And I sat in that for a while and that’s okay. Many parents do and some get stuck there. Will this limit her? What will school be like? What will she be like as an adult? Work? Relationships? Many questions and many uncertainties.

We have to live with those uncertainties. Well nothing is certain anyway but with disability, more can feel uncertain as there are many more variables and ‘pivots’ required from us as parents. This is not what we expected nor read about in parenting books or talked about in prenatal classes.

So now, we plod on. We organise the supports like we did the first time, but at least those are familiar to us (and her). Through her eyes, she now gets to do the things her big sister does (at this stage, speech therapy and occupational therapy) and have a special brain like her sister. And they will grow up maybe understanding each other with a special bond. Although at this stage, there is more fighting than bonding but let’s hope that changes.